OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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