i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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