I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize