So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
