I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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