Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
