Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
