it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
