You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
