He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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