So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
