Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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