my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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