I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize