You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
