I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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