Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
