Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
