He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
