the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dignity is for republicans.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
