New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she told me i tasted like america
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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