he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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