i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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