I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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