who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
