"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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