Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
