I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
