I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
