honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize