is your mom at the bar?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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