I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
