i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
