I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
