i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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