I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
