just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
