who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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