went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
