Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
