like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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