dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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