He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
