It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
