it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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