Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize