Ambien. No doubt about it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
