Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
