God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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