there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
