her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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