How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
