I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize