Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
