So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
