Christians are straight up FREAKS
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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