im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize