even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
as a side note pls kill me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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