i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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