i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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