Already got asked if we're dating
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize