Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
