I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
