i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
