I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
