oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
