He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
