That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
