Slut skills are useful in every country.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
