so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
