Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
