I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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