so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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