Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
