You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize