The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
