but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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