I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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