I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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