i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize