I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
