My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
