fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize