how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
