Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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