Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
