btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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