I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
