i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
