He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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