overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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