I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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