you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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