So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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