thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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